How to Leave Comments On the Internet

How to Leave Comments On the Internet

Steps 4 – 9 are key, and would go a long way toward making the Internet more like a useful information and communication platform—and less like a high school shit-talking party. You know, a shit-talking party: The hottest (and therefore, ironically, the coolest) girls on the cheer leading squad have a sleepover during which quips about fatties, mega-sluts, and sexy asshole jocks are exchanged before the obligatory naked pillow fight. Look it up; it’s in the bitchtionary.

General formulas for my favorite types of Internet comments:

  • “I don’t really know what’s going on, but let me tell you what I think…”
  • “No offense but…” (The word “dick” or “cocksucker” typically follows somewhere after.)
  • “Lame.”
  • “I didn’t read your entire book, Mr. Gordon, but I think it was…”
  • “I haven’t read your book yet, Mr. Gordon, but judging by the title it’s…”
  • “Fuck your mom (Mr. Gordon).”
  • Give her a bigger sex pole tonight – click here now!

And to think just fifteen years ago, before the Internet became mandatory, most of us were still saying these kinds of things to each other’s faces.


About jesse

Book designer and formatter based in southern California. Supreme overlord of the SuperMegaNet pseudoverse.
This entry was posted in Journal and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to How to Leave Comments On the Internet

  1. Purple Chimp says:

    Isn’t “I find this difficult to masturbate to” one of the cool new comments that kids love to use nowadays?

  2. jesse says:

    I use that one all the time – although, in true naive fashion, only for when I actually can’t masturbate to something. :p

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s