Steps 4 – 9 are key, and would go a long way toward making the Internet more like a useful information and communication platform—and less like a high school shit-talking party. You know, a shit-talking party: The hottest (and therefore, ironically, the coolest) girls on the cheer leading squad have a sleepover during which quips about fatties, mega-sluts, and sexy asshole jocks are exchanged before the obligatory naked pillow fight. Look it up; it’s in the bitchtionary.
General formulas for my favorite types of Internet comments:
- “I don’t really know what’s going on, but let me tell you what I think…”
- “No offense but…” (The word “dick” or “cocksucker” typically follows somewhere after.)
- “I didn’t read your entire book, Mr. Gordon, but I think it was…”
- “I haven’t read your book yet, Mr. Gordon, but judging by the title it’s…”
- “Fuck your mom (Mr. Gordon).”
And to think just fifteen years ago, before the Internet became mandatory, most of us were still saying these kinds of things to each other’s faces.