With Thanksgiving just around the corner, I thought I’d take a moment to reflect on all that I have to be thankful for. Here’s my humble list:
- I am thankful for family, friendship, and telemarketers who say “have a great day” before hanging up.
- I am thankful for sunny days and starlit nights…despite the fact that as a longtime resident of the Los Angeles area, the smog system has kept me from seeing either.
- I am thankful for male pattern baldness, because I look at it this way: every hair lost is one less hair to have to comb in the morning.
- I am thankful for the privilege of living in a neighborhood that has earned the Biggest Pothole award for three years in a row.
- I am thankful for those rare but memorable days when the blonde who sits next to me on the bus forgets to wear a bra under her tassels.
- I am thankful for holiday carolers patrolling the streets with songs of merriment and joy…
- …and for the annual Christmas flu that renders my ears so full of wax that I cannot hear them.
- I am thankful for small miracles, and even smaller insurance premiums.
- I am thankful for guys named Steve who pay my tab and lend me a friendly ear when my date decides she’d rather spend my birthday in the arms of a muscular Yoga instructor sitting two tables over.
- I am thankful for prime time television – and the fact that it makes family interaction as easy as clicking a button.
- I am thankful for brotherhood, and the solace in knowing that no matter how smart or talented my younger brothers are, I was always there first.
- I am thankful for every book I’ve ever sold, every lie I’ve ever told.
- I am thankful to be a citizen of these grand United States of America, one nation, under Schwarzenegger, with liberty and justice for all.