In the Year 2012

Oh, the new year is so close I can almost taste it. (Coincidentally, I have seasonal synesthesia.) Tongue Seeing as how this time of year always gets me thinking in a forwardly manner, here are a few predictions—based mostly on popular sci-fi culture—which I’ll revisit on the eve of that prolific milestone: 2012.

  • The human race as we know it will lose all sense of fashion when Spandex becomes mandatory.
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger will make news headlines across the country when he is reelected president of the United States after his opponent, Michael Ironside, loses his arms in a freak elevator accident.
  • Doomsayers across the globe will be forced to rethink their stance on the end of the world when it’s discovered the Mayan calendar has merely been read upside down.
  • Star Trek conventions will be set on red alert when a naked William Shatner is found bound and gagged in a steamer trunk full of stuffed Tribbles.
  • The fourth Indiana Jones movie will finally reach post-production.
  • Richard C. Hoagland will acquire a batch of high resolution photos debunking the Mars face as “just a bunch of rocks.” He will charge $99.95 for the photo CD.
  • After considerable lobbying, the FDA will reverse its position regarding cloned meats, and will instead support widespread adoption of soylent green.
  • Michael Jackson will suddenly “ripen.”
  • Director Robert Zemeckis and writer Bob Gale will grow increasingly worried about the unfashionable absence of Mr. Fusion, the hoverboard, and the rehydrated pizza.
  • Burning Tree Project will finally disband when, upon rehearsing for the first time with drummer #13, the studio will spontaneously combust.

Happy new year, everyone.


About jesse

Book designer and formatter based in southern California. Supreme overlord of the SuperMegaNet pseudoverse.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s