Alien Brain Hemorrhage

Dude, alien brain hemorrhage:

(It’s also a drink, the recipe for which can be found here.)

Steampunk Pick-up Lines

Doctor Fantastique’s Show of Wonders has a fabulous list of steampunk-powered pick-up lines:

http://doctorfantastiques.com/2012/01/steampunk-pick-up-lines…/

My favorites:

“Is that a dirigible in your trousers or are you just happy to see me?”

“Do you swing towards Edison or Tesla cause either way you’re making me spark.”

And now for one of my very own:

“You know what they say about me? I’m made of wood.”

So…if you were partying like it was 1899, what would your steampunk pick-up line and / or lines be?

Make Your Own Fortune Cookie

Inspired by George Takei’s delightful fortune cookie photo, I immediately set out to create one of my own. That’s when I discovered Jim Blackler’s Fortune Cookie Image Generator:

http://jim.ignitiondomain.com/fc/

The only thing that could make this even better is if it let you generate the cookies themselves. But it’s still pretty nifty as-is.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some fortunes to write, for as wise man say: ancient proverb of tomorrow is created…today. :p

Lazy Jedi

This is what a Jedi looks like the morning after being royally cock-blocked by his best friend at the bar:

(Via Geeks are Sexy.)

Kinder Chocolate

The final SuperMegaNet episode of the year—partially inspired by the creepiest chocolate in the world: Kinder Chocolate—has been posted over at that other place. Heart-pounding cliffhanger included.

Obligatory excerpt:

Mini looks at me with that same “I knew that” expression Theo gets whenever he asks an obvious question. After a moment: “You have a cell phone?”

“Sure. Why not?”

“Oh. I just assumed…I mean, no offense, but I didn’t think you could afford one.”

In fact, I can’t afford a cell phone. That’s why this is a prepaid. That’s why it took me two weeks of saving my lunch money to buy a cheap Tracfone from Wal-Mart. When my parents asked me where I’d gotten it from, I told them Theo bought it for me. When they insisted that I reimburse him, I took the money and bought more minutes. That’s how you do it when you’re poor and you don’t want to resort to out and out theft. Like, ski mask and crowbar theft.

The premise: Thanks to city public service’s having towed his parents’ apartment, Jan is now homeless and must figure out how to beg for enough change to ride the bus to Theo’s. Read the full episode here.

Superhero Equations

(Via cr8dv8′s tumblr blog thing.)

Using the above as a loose example, here are a few superhero equations of my own:

Social klutz + eyeglasses = Biclops

Competitive waffle-eater + radioactive maple syrup bottle = The Waffler

Related:

Ex-The Waltons star + bowl of GMO oatmeal = Wilford Brimley

R&B singer + cocaine mustache = “Super Freak”

Rich mutant bitch + her father’s platinum card = The Wallflower (This exists: “…a pretty teen mutant that can manipulate the emotions of other people with her pheromones.”)

Wealthy business magnate + barber clippings = Donald Trump

Anyone else have any superhero equations?

There’s a first time for everything…except this.

From the Did You Know? department: I wrote this week’s SuperMegaNet episode in my pimp-ass bathroom…because, with everyone home for the holidays, it’s the only place left where I can actually be alone with my thoughts. And be nude.

Obligatory excerpt:

Ernie’s always ratting on Jan for being poor, but I’m thinking this actually doesn’t look at all like the crumbling, crime-infested poverty zone Theo had imagined—that is, until I reach the Kounicovas’ apartment complex, with its faded fudge exterior, three-quarters-dead lawn, and high-voltage power lines running directly overhead. The whole place looks like someone dropped a gigantic trailer into a muddy lot, and then it rained and the trailer took root and started growing more trailers over time.

The premise: Mini makes a last-ditch attempt to wrangle the gang back together by paying a visit to Jan’s apartment complex, and while there, something totally unexpected happens. Read the full episode here.

Agree to Agree?

(Inspired by my brother’s innocent question, “How do you get Windows and Mac to read the same files on a USB hard drive?” …and the tears of frustration and disappointment that followed shortly thereafter.)

Smashwords Co-Authoring Books?

(The title is tongue-in-cheek, I assure you…sort of.)

I noticed that several of my e-books (SuperMegaNet, Vol. 1, for example) distributed to Barnes & Noble by Smashwords have been listed on the site with “by via Smashwords Jesse Gordon” as the author(s). Have any other Smashwords authors run into this, and do you know if it’s something that can be fixed on Smashwords’ end, or is it a Barnes & Noble thing? Because, as I tweeted earlier:

I’m flattered that @Smashwords wants to be my co-author, but alas I prefer to write alone.

Update 2011-12-11: Barnes & Noble are looking into the situation (see comments below). Let’s hope it’s simply a matter of correcting a typo somewhere—and not anything that will require the chanting of demonic choruses or the summoning of evil spirits…

Update 2011-12-17: It looks like the bylines have all been fixed. Still don’t know exactly what went wrong, but kudos to the Smashwords and Barnes & Noble folks for restoring my good name. :p

People who look like their…

People who look like their dinner:

(Via Laughing Squid.)

People who look like their dogs:

(Via TanMonkey.com.)

And, finally, people who look like their cars:

(Via Flickr.)

Bonus image, thanks to the never-ending tangent that is Google Image Search—people who live in their cars:

(Via YuRock.)

Me: I wish I lived in my car.

Mitch, the Painfully Literal Genie: Your wish is my command!

*zap!*

Me (peering around the inside of my Geo Metro): This isn’t what I meant…